I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Randomize
