I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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