OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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