first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
