Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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