Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
