I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
