She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
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