I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
