Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
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