no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
