I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
My bed smells like the plague
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
