you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
