I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
