He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
i think i just lost a toe
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
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