Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
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you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
These 21 People Shouldn’t Be Giving Dating Advice
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.