I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
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