She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
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