Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.