There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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