If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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