how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
