Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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