I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
