You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
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