apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Randomize