Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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