someone threw a dead crab at me
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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