I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
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