I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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