they need to just BURY HIM!
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Randomize
