just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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