I am spending my child support on dildos
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
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