i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
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I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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