Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
