just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
