You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize