they said they heard you say put it in my butt
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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