yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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