I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
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I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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