I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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