apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
