Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
