Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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