saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
