I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
