I hate all girls vehemently.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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