I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
