You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
