i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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