Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
