I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
