Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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