Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
We talked him into tasing himself.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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