My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Congratulations! We have a period
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