Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
