If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
