we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
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I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
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She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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