I like my sex mixed with concussions.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
