I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
