Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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