He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
