I haven't been this sober since birth.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
