So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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