Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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