Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
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My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
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Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize