i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
How does one acquire holy water?
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
