suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
